In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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