I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sober January is a disaster.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
