Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
