If i come over, it means nothing
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
