Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
