i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
