I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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