he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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