can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
