M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
