shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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