She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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