Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
