just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
