peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Randomize
