Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
