This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
did i walk over a car last night?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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