You just made me feel so damn special
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
