It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
