the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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