You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
