Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
