Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
