It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
