thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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