I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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