I'm gonna have a badass scar
Me too!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
