I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
