i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
