Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorry my hands just texted you
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
