Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
