Cold hands, warm shart.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
