apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
