Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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