I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
