She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
