started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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