Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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