before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
