it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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