Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
