my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
