Will you blow on my dice?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
