I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Is it penis luge time yet?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
