they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
