In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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