The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
