Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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