You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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