I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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